


I wasn't born for the rose and pearl

by buckybunnyteeth



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coda, F/M, Feelings Realization, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-02-01 07:41:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21442777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckybunnyteeth/pseuds/buckybunnyteeth
Summary: Gilbert is haunted by a fire light image of the love of his life.And a ring sits beside a pen in his pocket.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Comments: 24
Kudos: 168





	I wasn't born for the rose and pearl

"I don’t know which is more terrifying: being loved or being asked to love." - Elissa Washuta, from “Faster Than Your Heart Can Beat,” 

  
  
  


Winnie is walking by his side down a willow lined lane in Charlottesville Park and all he can think of is Anne.

"It truly is beautiful here," she says sending him a charming smile.

She doesn't expand on her statement. Does not remark on how the leaves catch in the breeze or how there are ever so many shades of green presented before them, she could not possibly pick her favourites between the bright emeralds and the deep olives.

She is not Anne.

The lump in his throat gets bigger every time he thinks her name.

It's the same way the ring in his pocket gets heavier.

Anne has not left his mind since that drink addled night after Winnie's father laid his future at his feet. 

Though, he supposed, an argument could be made that Anne has not left his mind for a great deal longer than that.

Was is that slate? Did she crack something in him and slip in never to be removed.

He feels cracked.

"Yes," he replies too late, "it feels as though the whole world is green, standing here."

Winnie laughs like a bell.

"Sometimes you say the oddest things."

Gilbert smiles but it feels like a grimace.

His future lies with Winnie, and now as he looks at her out the corner of his eye he thinks-

Have we ever even really spoken?

For sure they have spoken to each other but he cannot think that Winnie has ever voiced a strong opinion on anything. She has kept a part of herself hidden away for all of their having known each other. He can't fault her for that. He has done the same.

But what if that does not change after they are married?

What if all they ever say to each other is so … removed. Small.  _ Polite _ . 

They continue down the path, willow shifting away into flowers beds. He knows there is a seat under a floral arch up ahead, having passed by it once before. That is where they are headed and with every step Gilbert's heart is at war with itself.

He cannot rid himself of Anne dancing in the fire light. It's haunting him.

"Oh, those petunias look devine."

She looked otherworldly like a creature from some unameable place. A high queen of the Fey, hair made of pure copper fire and eyes drowned in pure delight. 

His grandmother had told him stories when he was small of fairies who enticed men away to other realms to be killed and he had not understands why they would let themselves be tricked until that moment.

Her hair was  _ fire _ .

Anne Shirley-Cuthbert was a phoenix, then and always. Born in and fed ashes all her life she had risen to be the creature she is now. The vexing and confusing creature she is now.

Every now and then she blazed through his life and left his mind in ashes and he  _ liked _ it.

"Of course, last year they had marigolds. I feel they are a much more sensible choice for this part of the gardens."

Is this what Mr Darcy felt like?

When Elizabeth came in to Netherfield having walked across the hills, coming in looking more like a storm than a girl, looking wild and unashamed, a force of nature- 

Did his  _ ache _ like this?

Was he  _ haunted _ like this?

"You're being awfully quiet, Gilbert. Are you feeling well?"

Gilbert snaps out of his thoughts and meets her eyes. She looks concerned.

He's going to marry her.

It's the right thing to do.

And he has to do it now before he starts thinking of fire light and curses again.

He reaches in this pocket-

"Miss Rose, Winifred, I-"

-and his fingers close around a pen.

The pen Anne leant him.

The words stick in his throat and as he looks at Winnie he thinks of what Mary said about love.

He doesn't love Winnie. He never did. 

"-Winnie I cannot marry you."

The words jump out before he can stop them. 

She frowns, looking more confused than angry.

"You can't?"

He nods. They frantic beat of his thoughts has slowed, leaving him only with the guilt he feels at having led her on.

"It would be cruel," he tells her, "to marry you when I have… when I  _ love _ someone else."

"Love…"

"I thought it would fade, that I could move past it. But no matter what I do she- it keeps coming back," he shakes his head, "I'm sorry for leading you on, Miss Rose. It was not my intention."

Winnie is quiet for a long moment. Then she reaches out and class his arm.

"I do not love you either, Gilbert," she confesses, "perhaps I have lead you on as well. I simply … my future didn't seem so dim if my husband was to be like you."

Gilbert frowns.

"Winnie-"

"It's alright. I'm saying I understand," she studies him for a moment, "it's Anne, isn't it?"

He is startled for a moment but then nods.

"Yes. It's has been Anne for some time now."

Winnie hums and then after a moment squares her shoulders.

"Alright, I have a plan."

Gilbert leaves Winnie to tell her father she has turned down his proposal. She assured him that it would be better for both of their reputations, and easier for her father to take. She he leaves him with one last request.

"Go home and tell that Anne how you feel. And speak plainly for a girl can sometimes be obtuse when faced with love. And if she feels the same … promise me you'll be happy."

He walked towards the train station feeling lighter than he has in weeks. 

His future will not be easy without Winnie and all the things her father could offer him. But Gilberts life has never been easy. 

As he walks to the train he thinks of Mr Darcy again.

In the end he chose the hard path. In the end Darcy married for love. 

Anne dances in his memory and this time it doesn't feel like a haunting thing. It feels like something he has been walking towards all his life 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Okay. 
> 
> 1\. I wrote this on my phone so apologies for any spelling errors I missed
> 
> 2\. You can feel my yearning lesbian feelings bleeding into his (Winnie is totally a lesbian, I mean if you had to marry a man because of forced heteronormativity wouldn't you pick sweet non threatening Gilbert Blythe?? )
> 
> 3\. I was haunted by the imagery of Gilbert and dart being haunted by their love interests and that's where this fic came from
> 
> Tell me what you think!


End file.
